How to become an independent escort

Prostitution is legal in Victoria. If you are an dirty, nasty, skanky little slut – then maybe it is time to upgrade your life. Here are the steps to follow:

  • Apply for an ABN.
  • Apply for a sex work licence.
  • Register your business name.
  • Open a bank account (under your business name)
  • Get some professional photos taken
  • Create your website
  • Get an STD check every 3-6 months.
  • Always use a condom (sex, oral and anal)
  • Complete your Annual Statement.
  • Pay your taxes. This is mostly income tax, but possibly also GST. You can deduct many expenses. So keep all your receipts.
  • Last but not least – always take good care of your Health.

It really is that simple. The tax is the worst part. Everybody hates paying tax.

It is my personal opinion that a married woman cannot, and should not work a prostitute. Because that would be adultery.

This profession is for “virgins“, single mothers, widows and divorcees.

Please see my section on issues specific to Women.


The essential way to build up your “brand” is through:

  • Professional Photos
  • Website
  • Business cards

The professional photos are probably the most important. God created man with both a brain and penis. But only enough blood to use one of them at a time.

Online Directories

You can advertise on any or all of the directories mentioned on this website.

Acording to the “Sex Work Act 1994” you are only permitted to show photos of your face. And you are not allowed to give graphic descriptions of the services you describe.

Absolutely nobody follows this rule. Except for me.

Print Media

People do actually still use this. Especially older people. Some ideas:

Suspicious Loitering

You can always just doll yourself up all pretty and hit the street.

  • Bars, nightclubs and casinos
  • Hotel lobbies and corporate foyers
  • Restaurants and Cafes
  • Etc…

This is illegal, but the worst that happen is you will get “moved along” by Victoria Police.

Religious Organizations

Do not “loiter suspiciously” anywhere near a church, mosque or synagogue. These people have enormous power and will completely destroy your life if it pleases them to do so.


Do not “loiter suspiciously” anywhere near a kindergarten, primary school, highschool, playground, swimming pool, library – or anywhere else that you are likely to find children.

Some of the “gentlemen” who congregate around prostitutes are “less than savoury” individuals. Nobody wants children to be exposed to this.

Incalls vs Outcalls

Your licence permits you to do outcalls. It does not permit you to do incalls.

Many girls solve this problem by working part-time in a brothel, and taking their incalls at the brothel.

Some girls rent airbnb apartments, especially in the Docklands, and use them for incalls. This is illegal, but everybody does it anyway.

Don’t ever let clients see you in your own home. Stalkers are a real thing, and there is not much that Victoria Police can really do about them. If your stalker hasn’t actually assaulted you yet, then he hasn’t committed a crime. But you don’t want to be stressed out and worried all the time that he may be about to assault you. Also, you need your own private space – for basic sanity.

Rules for Incalls

The rules for seeing clients at an incall locations are very simple:

  • Don’t piss off the neighbours.
  • Don’t piss off the neighbours.
  • Don’t piss off the neighbours.

Victoria police are much more concerned about “drunk and disorderly behaviour” than what goes on quietly “behind closed doors”.

Clients should be discrete and respectful when entering and leaving the premises. And not congregate outside laughing and singing and talking loudly. There are “public bars” which exist for this purpose.


If there is a drug overdose at your incall location then you need to Call 000 and specifically request a MICA ambulence. (Mobile Intensive Care Ambulence).

Don’t worry if you have drugs on the premises. The ambulance will not call the police on you.

Also: Drugs are Bad.


I do not receive any form of payment from any of the businesses linked to from this website.

I do occasionally see some “dodgy” looking ads on some of the Directories which I have linked to. And I would be more than happy to flag and report these to Victoria Police for further investigation.

Victoria Police has a specific Sex Crimes Unit which is the correct place to report “child sex trafficking”. If you see anything that doesn’t look quite right.

Although some people argue that any girl passed puberty is “fair game”. The Law in Australia states that a girl aged 17 years and 364 days cannot drive a car, drink alcohol in a bar, vote in an election, or work in the sex industry. That is the “Law of the Land”. And must be respected at all times.

The definition of “pimping” is a little grey.

There is a “business side” to the escort industry which includes marketing and sales. The girls need appropriate clothing and lingerie. They need regular STD checks and probably some kind of psychological coaching. Regular trips to the gym. Nails, hair, waxing, makeup, etc….

Photos need to get taken and websites built. Phones need to get answered, hotels booked, bedsheets changed, money collected, taxes paid, lawyers consulted, etc….. Somebody has to drive the girls around and provide physical security for them.

A “pimp” or “madame” may perform some of all of these tasks. For a fee. Or for a percentage of the girl’s earnings. This is all perfectly reasonable. In my opinion.

There are two cases in which “legitimate management” crosses the line into criminal activity.

The first is when the “fees” charged to escorts for various services become extortionist. In some cases, up to 80% – 90% of her income. In extreme cases the pimp will take 100% of her earnings and simply provide food and accomodation. And possibly also drugs. This is slavery.

The second issues is when a girl is not allowed to “change pimps”. There may be threats of physical violence. Or intense psychological manipulation. She may not have correct residency papers for Australia and this is used against her.

There may be threats against her family back in the home country. Or threats that she will be “outed” as a prostitute to the wider community. Damaging future marriage, housing and employment opportunities.

In any “normal” business you are free to “change managers” if it is going to be a better deal for you. Maybe a different “pimp” can bring you in more clients, or higher quality clients. If you can’t “fire” your current pimp or madame and “hire” a new one. Then there is a problem with this situation.

In Thailand a girl’s pimp is often her own mother. She sends all of her money home to her mother. This is basically an impossible situation. Often there is debt involved. She is working off a debt that is owed by some other family member.

In some small villages the “working girls” are basically the only bread-winners for the entire village. The “remittance” that the girls send home each month via Western Union is the only income they have. They also grow rice, obviously. But the current price of rice is around $420 per tonne.

This is not an Australia problem, this is a Thai problem. The only thing that Victoria Police can do is make it easier for Thai girls (and other immigrant sex workers) to get the correct working papers to be able to run their business legally.

Sex Work 1994

The following are technically illegal in Victoria. Hopefully this will change soon. Because I don’t see how anybody is supposed to do any kind of business without breaking these laws:

  • Referring clients to a prostitute if you are a bar tender, taxi driver, tour guide, hotel concierge, events manager – or pretty much anyone really.
  • Working independently at the same time as working for a brothel or escort agency.
  • Living off the proceeds of prostitution. (Mostly applies to boyfriends and mothers).
  • Renting out a room in your privately owned residence, by the hour, for use by prostitutes. (Probably incuding some kind of laundry service).
  • Some other things that I have forgotten.

Sex Party

Here is a list of “Sex Work Organizations”. I don’t have anything to do with these people, but you might find some useful infomation on their websites.

They are mostly “left wing” and probably promote strange things like “environmentally sustainable prostitution“.

In a slightly different category is the Eros Association. This organization is oriented towards Brothel and Escort Agency Owners, rather than “working girls”. But I see no reason why an “Independent Escort” can’t join.

The Australian Sex Party has since become the Australian Reason Party. I’m not sure exactly how that is going to work – since sex is never reasonable. And it is also not very practical to do it on a bicycle. But you can join here for just $100.

I assume that it will be much more fun than the Communist Party (ML) – which never has any good music or dancing.

For the record: I will be voting Liberal in the next election. Sex work is not work. It’s a business. And the Liberal Party is the party of Small Business.

You can obviously vote for whichever party you feel will best represent your economic interests. Because that is the whole point of Democracy. But you probably won’t get your “business woman discount” if Labour wins.

Victoria Police

Believe it or not Victoria Police does actually care about your safety. And you can call them if you find yourself in a dangerous and potentially violent situation.

Phone 000. You don’t need any credit on your phone to make this call.

Since it takes the Police at least 20 minutes to arrive. If not longer. It makes sense to have a personal alarm. You can register your phone for “GPS tracking”. In case you get kidnapped. Hopefully this won’t happen.

It is always much safer to work in pairs, and two girls can even work together on the same license. If possible then tell somebody where you are going. And what time you are expected back.

Realistically, even if you have some martial arts training, a female cannot beat a male in an unarmed fight. It’s just a weight issue. A small man cannot beat a large man either.

Nevertheless, the best combination of training for “street fighting” is Thai boxing, together with Jiu Jitsu (wrestling on the ground). Choke holds are good. You can put a guy into a choke hold with your thighs. If he is going down on you. Don’t do this, because you might accidentally kill him. Then go to jail. Kicking a man in the balls is generally considered “foul play”.

Never carry a weapon unless you actually know how to use it. Seriously. It is not at all uncommon to get injured or even killed by your own weapon. The “weapon of choice” for women throughout the ages has always been poison. Obviously poisoning people who you don’t like is illegal.

If you are in the unfortunate situation of dealing with a crazy person, then the most important thing is: DO NOT ESCALATE. You are looking for every possible opportunity to de-escalate the situation. It sounds awful, but sometimes you have to “just lie there”. And do what you are told. Until you get a chance to escape.

See my post on How To Report a Rape.


Everybody needs a car. Because cars are fucking awesome. There are many, many second hand car dealerships in Braybrook. Here is just a small selection:

These people will obviously buy your old car as well as selling you a new one. You have to haggle. This is not optional.

Now that you are all grown up and have your own car. You will probably also need a lawyer. There are many, many choices. Like your doctor, you should feel “comfortable” with your lawyer. If you don’t, then get a new one.

Sing & Co Lawyers
82A Ashley Street
West Footscray, Vic. 3012

  • Family Law – Divorce, Property, Children
  • Intervention Orders & Domestic Violence
  • Criminal Law & Police matters
  • Property Law & Conveyancing
  • Sale/Purchase of Property/Business
  • Commercial Law & Business matters

Hopefully you need the lawyer for “Property Law & Business Matters” – not because you have committed some kind of serious crime and need help staying out of jail.

Blue Mermaid Adult Store is right next door to the lawyer. I have no idea what goes on in here. You will have to go in and see. Maybe a peep show?

The sad truth of it all is that “being an adult” has a lot less to do with having great sex. And a lot more to do with paying your taxes.